Spouse Saturday

I love my wife.

On a completely seperate note, I noticed that my site is unreadable in firefox due to template problems. These must be fixed.

Spouse Saturday

Yesterday I wrote about a family and marriage that faces a financial crisis. This family is on their way to recovery, and I wrote about practical steps to implement when crisis hits. Today we will look at finances in a marriage.

Separate
There has been a growing trend in the last generation and more so in this generation of marriages. This trend has been that couples keep their money separate after marriage. They split household bills, and then they have 'his money' and 'her money'. This is a recipe for marriage troubles.

Marriage is about trust and teamwork. Two people pulling together towards one common goal are much more likely to reach that goal than two people pulling separately towards two separate goals. In a team environment, the marriage finances can flourish.

Sometimes I get asked what to do if you cannot agree on a goal. This is then no longer a money issue, but a marriage issue. It is times like this where both sides have dug in their heels and will not budge that I recommend meeting with a professional marriage counselor. With the help of a counselor, you can overcome these differences.

Another issue that comes up is that one spouse does not trust the other spouse to control 'their' money. Once again, this is a marriage issue, not a money one. If you cannot trust your spouse on everything, then you have a problem. Satan will use that opening and push more and more issues through it. Love is based on trust.

Did you ever hear the phrase, "Divide and Conquer?" The truth behind that statement is that one person is easier to conquer than two. Conversely, two are stronger than one. So if you want to build a strong financial house, then two together are better than two apart.

Together

Together is just what it says. Decisions are made together, bills are paid together, money is invested together, it all is together. Even though these things are together, there are different ways to implement them.

1. Decisions are made together- My wife and I tend to discuss the big purchase decisions at length. However smaller ones, we trust each others judgement. We have built this trust over 10 years of marriage, so she knows that I will not on a whim go to Lowes and buy $1,000 worth of tools, and I know she will not go and buy $1,000 worth of new clothes. It takes time to work this out, but once you do and the boundaries are in place your marriage will be stronger.

2. Bills are paid together- My wife actually does the physical part of paying the bills. She used to be a bookkeeper, and she is very good at this. I am not. However, every month, we look at the bills together and do a check to see if we have enough to cover, or how we will cover them. So even though she is writing the checks, the responsibility is on both of us.

3. Money is invested together- My wife is satisfied if the bills are paid. She is not big on investing. I am. However, we still talk through the investments on at least a monthly basis. If I am considering a rental property, I discuss it with her. If the stock market punished me, I discuss it with her. This is not her cup of tea, but we still walk the path together.

Together you will be successful. Work together, plan together, and you will stay together.

Spouse Saturday

Today is my wife's birthday. She is finally the big 30. Obviously a milestone event and one which I should do something special for her. Something for her to remember.

With this goal in mind, and fully realizing I am not of my wife's demographic(stay at home mom with four kids under the age of five), I contacted several other stay at home mom's and asked for their input. Would they rather have a surprise party or a day without kids? Overwhelmingly, the no kids option was the top choice.

I originally thought about taking my wife out of town for the night to make it really special. Then I realized that we would be going out of town for 3 nights in June for our 10 year anniversary, and the budget constraints would not allow me to do so.

So then I was struck by inspiration. My wife's love language is Acts of Service. So I plan on becoming child free around lunch, and then offering my wife the opportunity to pick whatever she wants done around the house.

After almost 10 years of marriage, one thing is certain. What makes my wife happy, and what makes me happy are two different things. My job is and needs to be to find what makes me wife happy and do that.

That is what selfless love is about. Am I a pro? Haha, not yet, but I am working on it. Why? Because this is the legacy I want to leave my kids. A loving home that they can model for their kids, my grand kids.